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LINKS Your Inner Struggle, Heart of the Fallen Universe,  |
The Thumb Trick The "thumb trick" is what first tipped me off that George W. Bush was living under a curse.
Anyway, Puddin-Head - that's what I called the President when we was boys - he was astonished and sometimes would make me do the thumb trick for hours. The problem is that Puddin-Head thought it was real! He never caught on that it was a trick. He really thought I could take my thumb apart. He used to try to take his thumbs apart until he would literally sprain them. I told him it was trick; yet he thought I was lying and just didn't want to tell him the secret. Even after I showed him how to do it, he couldn't follow the trick and swore I knew how to take my thumb apart. Fast forward to 1984 at Dubya's 38th birthday. A bunch of us are in this little Tex-Mex down in Plano celebrating. If memory serves me, this would be about the time when little Jenna and Barbara started to take "baby sips" of everyone's margaritas. We thought it was cute I guess and never made 'em stop. Too bad. Anyway, Dubya had, well, he had allowed alcohol to compete for his affections that night and alcohol had won. So he's three sheets to the wind and looks at me across the table and shouts, "Loop, y'all gonna show us how you can take your thumb apart? Hey everyone watch Loop take his thumb apart!" Everyone else at the table looked at each other in embarrassment. We all had been pretending too long that he knew it was a common parlor trick. The problem was that George W. Bush, the namesake of the Vice President of America, was a deeply failed businessman with no appreciable future and this was no doubt attributable to the fact that he still seriously believed, among other things, that I could take my thumb apart and that clouds were "God's cotton candy." But this time it was different, for I knew, indeed we all knew, that there was no more pretending that George was not stupid, that he was not a simpleton and a stooge. He was undeniably all of these things, for Almighty God had confirmed to me in that moment through the Holy Spirit that George W. Bush was possessed by a demon of stupidity that had come about through a generational curse unto the third and fourth generations. "C'mon Loop! I'm the birthday boy and I wanna see the thumb trick," Dubya started demanding. C'mon, little Jana and Barbara want to see their Uncle Loop take his thumb apart. Y'all just gotta see how Reverend Looper here can disassembulment his thumb! It's loco!" Sweet Jenna started crying for her dad. Mrs. Dubya - that's what we called Laura - looked like she was about to burst into tears. She grabbed the Bush twins and said she had to use the ladies room. The other guests made similar excuses and soon it was just me, Dubya, and the demon seated at the table. "Loop, goddammit, I said I wanna see you take your thumb apart!" the drunken, future president growled as he slugged me real hard on the arm. It was then that I spake those fateful words that changed his life forever. I said, "OUT DEMON OF STUPIDITY! I DEMAND THAT YOU LEAVE THIS MAN IMMEDIATELY IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST!" Dubya's eyes rolled up into his head and he was thrown back violently into the shiny red vinyl booth. George remained fast in place against the back of the booth as if he had been tacked in place by the giant staple gun of Satan. Well sir, I rolled up my sleeves for God. I took my hanky out of my pocket and dabbed it in my drinking glass. I shook the hanky so that water flew off of it into Dubya's face. "I anoint thee in the name of Jesus!" I roared like mighty Aslan, that great and noble Lion of Christ. "Demon of Stupidity," I commaned, "I order you to come out of this man now and be cast into the pit! I bind you with the silver cords and lay lines and I break the generational curse you have over this man in the name of Jesus Christ!"
So it was the Demon of Oil Lust that ultimately controlled the Bush family line I realized, and it was Oil Lust that had cursed the family line with, among other things, stupidity. It all made sense now, especially Bush Senior's 1980 remarks about Reagan's "voodoo economics." For truly, only someone who was possessed by a demon, and a demon of stupidity at that, would have made Antichrist remarks about the fine Reagan financial policies that led to the unparalleled prosperity of the mid-to-late 1990's. George W. Bush began to rattle like one of little Jenna's toys. He began to foam at the mouth and utter profanities. He being a man who would take a drink, we had of course seen the foaming and swearing. But never the rattling nor the articulate profanities which were now spewing forth from his mouth like so many whoredoms of Babylon. I will not repeat the profanities here, but needless to say the fury of these oaths were directed against my person and the persons of the Holy Trinity who, like your basic pocket utility tool, are three-in-one. I could tell that the demon's worst nightmare had come true, for this dark angel of stupidity was now being righteously 86'd from what would become a prime piece of human real estate in the near future. I continued my ceaseless verbal warrants ordering the demon to vacate the vacuous residence he had indwelt for 38 years. Suddenly, Dubya was illuminated as if from the heavens above by the very flashlight of God. A great weight looked as if it was being lifted from his athletic frame. The demonic staples ripped loose and Dubya slumped forward into a grande snack tray of nachos. Not wanting "Puddin-Head" to suffocate in guacamole after seeing God set him free, I grabbed him by his hair, pulled him up, and began to wipe his face with my wetted hanky. Bush the Younger sputtered back into life anew in Christ in that moment. He looked at me with great clarity of eye and said, "Loop, you could never really take your thumb apart, could you?" The spell was broken. The demon of stupidity was gone and George W. Bush gained a new outlook on life. Why, even as we stepped out of the restaurant that night, the 38 year old man looked up in the cloudy night sky over Texas and said, "'them's clouds up yonder. They made outta water vapor. Water vapor is a good thing. It replenishefies the earth and that is a good thing. Water is a fine thing. And ya' know Loop, some peoples thinks clouds is 'God's cotton candy,' but I knows it ain't true no more. Clouds is water vapor." With that, George Bush began to tear up, his tears testifying to the power of Jesus to save, heal, and deliver. EPILOGUE
I have thus had to continue my serial exorcisms of George W. Bush over the years. Bob Larson sometimes helps me out when the president is in thrall to a particularly foul demon as was the case when he and his brother Jeb ('Lil Puddin-Head) were possessed by the demon of "Negro-Jew-Voter-Fraud" during the 2000 elections. But I persist. For the good of America and the salvation of George W. Bush I persist. God help me. I can do no other. |
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