A Model for a Better Future, by Kim Alexis, reviewed by Miss Poppy Dixon

"When I go out in public, I represent Christ, and I dress accordingly." photo by Paolo Curto, Netherlands Antilles, 1984

When the careers of movie stars, super models, and professional athletes begin to lose their luster, there are few options available. For those too timid to revive a dying career by murdering a spouse, porn or Christianity beckon as the next best thing. Kim Alexis, mother of five, chose wisely to follow in the footsteps of Catherine Oxenburg, Dyan Cannon, and Gavin MacLeod, capitalizing on the lucrative, celebrity-starved, Christian market. Alexis is the author of the do-as-I-say autobiography, "A Model for a Better Future." She's also the voice behind several Christian "Praise Workout" and "Praise Walk" exercise tapes: "Victory Chant," "I Walk By Faith," "All Things Are Possible," "Firm Foundation," and "Mourning Into Dancing."

Poor Kim Alexis
"A Model for a Better Future" might more correctly be titled "A Model for a Bitter Future." She bags on Catherine Oxenberg and Lindsay Wagner, uses the dead super model Gia as a sock puppet, and drags Donna Rice and Norma McCorvey for a ride around her "I'm OK Corral." She insults Geraldo and hangs up on Howard Stern, after all, she HAS her limits! And she tortures both her children and a dying friend with round-the-clock Christian Contemporary Musak. As for her moral advice she says nothing original or considered. It's as if she cribbed talking points from Beverly LaHaye and William Bennett, put them in a hat, pulled them out one at a time, and wrote a book around them. Here's a sampling of the mildewed bromides she slings:

Immorality is all around us. We live in a morally polluted world.

No society in the history of humanity has ever been as awash in moral pollution as America is today.

Girls used to be brought up to respect themselves, and to cherish and defend their virginity.

The feminist movement has made many stay-at-home moms feel inferior, as if they are missing out on something - and that's wrong.

In our society, we work harder so we can have more toys, and the more toys we have, the more money we must make to keep our toys.

Our culture has made an idol out of feelings.

Ex-fashion model Kim Alexis has ingeniously applied the concepts of eating disorders to Christianity. Hers is a binge and purge religion. She stuffs herself with Christian Contemporary Music and bumper sticker Bible verses, and regurgitates the predigested conservative Christian party line. She maintains an appealingly thin faith.

"To this day, that photo still comes back to haunt me..., that shot is a big regret. Buy this poster mounted on wood!

Still, a little of the real Kim Alexis shines through. Though raised to "cherish and defend" her virginity she wasn't a virgin on her wedding night—either one of them. Her serial weddings compromise the strong stance she takes on the defense of marriage. Not to worry—she admits she's not perfect, but that doesn't prevent her from defending her right to judge others. In the chapter titled "The 'Sin' of Being Judgmental" she writes sarcastically,

It's easy to see why so many people prefer to live in a 'non-judgemental' world. 'Look at me,' they say. 'I'm progressive, I'm a freethinker, I'm tolerant and broad-minded. See this little looped ribbon of tolerance I wear on my lapel?'

She continues,

And why stop there? Since we're being so wonderfully tolerant and open-minded, why stop anywhere?

Her self-righteous tirade continues,

There is no right, no wrong, no judgmentalism, no intolerance. Pedophiles and child pornographers, we no longer judge you....

Where does it end?

Perhaps that's the problem of popular Christianity in a nutshell - it consists of a group of people too stupid to know the difference between right and wrong. These are people who think "tolerance" means you would not have opposed Hitler, or that if abortion is legal you should be free to "murder" your toddler or teenager.

Alexis's posture in this book is so defensive and self-conscious that it almost makes you pity her. I won't, however, allow false modesty and defensiveness to give license to willing ignorance. Like so many Christians Alexis views opposition as "hostility" and when it comes, "I get a sick feeling my stomach." Sorry, Kim. You frolic in the marketplace of ideas and you have to take your lumps like everyone else. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Working "Down Under"
The most amusing part of the book is her defense against her commercial work. In the chapter titled "Image Versus Truth" she needlessly justifies her Preparation H and Monistat yeast infection ointment commercials saying, "It all comes down to something called truth."

The "Hockey Ministry"

In the end, it turns out, she and her hockey star spouse had failed to plan ahead and save for their early thirties, and were now forced to depend on the proceeds of various crack creams. Mortified, she whines, "Ron, I'm a glamour girl! ...Why should I go and do a commercial for... hemorrhoidal cream?!"

Her fears were unfounded. The commercial was a success, "elegantly produced," and she was "presented as an authority figure."

The yeast infection commercial proved more irritating, chafing her delicate sensibilities. Worried that it may turn out cheesy she was forced her to her knees.

"God, You don't really want me to do a commercial about yeast infections, do You? I already did this hemorrhoid thing! Now, yeast infections?!"

But as it turned out, God was telling me, "Yes, Kim, that's exactly what I want for you.

God is not without a sense of humor.

Luckily, the commercial was a success, "done in a very elegant, tasteful way," and she was "presented as an authority figure."

What does any of this have to do with "truth"? Alexis believes that though commercials for unguents and ointments used to heal fungal infections of the groin and swollen a*nal tissues may not be glamorous,

Hemorrhoids and yeast infections are real problems, and people need to know how to solve those problems. That's the truth... These days I'm a lot less concerned with image and a lot more concerned with truth.

Blind Goddess in Kenya photo by John G. Zimmerman, Kenya, 1983

Blind Goddess
In 1981 Alexis traveled to Kenya for a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. She describes the assignment as "most fascinating." While she posed in a leather two-piece swimsuit "scores of spear-wielding Masai tribesmen danced, howled, leaped, and chanted behind me." Alexis describes it as "scary" and "exciting." At one point a dancer lifts her hair from behind. Alexis panics as the translator explains the Masai believe her to be a "blind goddess." Though a regular stop on most African tours, the Masai had supposedly never seen blonde hair, and her "never-before-seen" blue eyes convinced them she was blind. Alexis describes this as a "cross-cultural experience."

That this experience may not have been morally or ethically appropriate doesn't cross her mind. The "goddess" line appeases her blunted curiosity. Alexis mimes oblivious through the entire book, refusing to believe that her photo shoots have a sexual component.

Responding to being described as a "sex symbol," Alexis complains, "I'm not in this business because I want to generate lust in men! ...I've always hated it if I felt a certain photo of me might be used to arouse lust in men."

Uh..., yeah. It looks like the "blind goddess" lost a little baggage in "de Nile."

Ministry of Hockey
Kim Alexis follows Jesus "these days" by joining her mullet-headed husband's hockey ministries, "Hockey Ministries International," and "Cross Ice Ministry." Alexis claims they help raise money for the homeless, and promote their faith and values. Ron Duguay, Alexis's husband, is mentioned on the threadbare single-page Cross Ice Ministry website, but a search for either "Duguay" or "Kim Alexis" at Hockey Ministries International fails to return a single response.

All in all "A Model for a Better Future" wasn't a bad read. It wasn't anywhere nearly as entertaining as George Plimpton's "D.V.," the Diana Vreeland tell-all, and it hasn't earned a spot on my bookshelf next to my first-edition copy of "Vanna Speaks," or "Touch Me," the poetry of Suzanne Somers. But it was a passable soporific on a slow TV night. I give it three zzz's.

Related Links
KimAlexis.com
Kim Alexis at Integrity Music
Hockey Ministries International
Cross Ice Ministries
Kim Alexis's Management

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